Attention Seeking or Approval Seeking?

Kay Laurence
April 2008

Three cheers for the dogs’ desire to seek attention or approval. Can you imagine what living with a dog would be like if they were indifferent to our acknowledgement or attention?

Many years ago in the midst of a busy lambing season I was bottle feeding a surplus lamb (mother couldn’t count past two) and after a few days she was not thriving. She was still in the barn with the in-lamb ewes and there was no sign of play, exploration or natural inquisitiveness. One evening I needed to supervise some multiple births and settled down with blankets, bales of hay and book for the night. Chalky settled on my lap and we had several bonding conversations, they make great hot water bottles! Within a couple of hours she began to play and explore, and I made the effort that if I was doing chores around the barn she could join me and regularly spend several minutes in conversation. She never looked back and lived with me until 9 years old, but had total disregard for collies. Just providing food, and shelter was insufficient, this lamb needed attention, as so most young animals, and a sense of security to hold as a base for exploration.

We share our lives with dogs because we enjoy this neediness. How far we develop it, and allow it to strengthen or become a burden, is influenced by the dog and also by our desires to satisfy a need to be needed, or be the centre of attention. They are the same coin.

Dogs do suffer from separation, they should suffer during separation, they were engineered to be part of a well bonded pack system, living and hunting communally.  Bonding to us, and desirous of our attention is a natural state and being alone maybe quite satisfying for short periods. It is reinforcing when the animal chooses to be alone, and can end that aloneness at any time. I know Kent enjoys quite a degree of aloneness when he is hunting, I would not want to join him, but he certainly changes momentum is any other dog tags along: he moves faster and with more intent.

Young animals thrive on a good balance of attention. It develops their personalities. Four to five week old puppies do not have approval seeking behaviour, this develops after six or even seven weeks, and perhaps not in some dogs. Until that behaviour is practiced they should not be allowed near a dog that need this socially appropriate approach. Mother is the initial provider of food, warmth and comfort, and approval seeking to her can sometimes be negligible, it may be her task to disapprove of certain behaviours to trigger the approval seeking trait. But over indulgent bitches may never correct their pups and allow their bodies to be on permanent availability to the pups. Often a gentle, non-approving, elder needs to be introduced, even behind safety fencing to trigger the behaviour.

Youngsters are shaped by attention or approval. Attention can be given when behaviours we desire occur. This can be the courteous eye contact, without physical contact, that asks for a conversation to open. The pup watches you, maintains their position on the floor, and when you notice them you come down to their level and “have a conversation”. This is reinforcing the good manners of seeking attention with a “please” not an “I want”. But the pup that screams, bounces on us, scratches our legs and THEN gets attention will quickly repeat the same behaviour. Initially our attention is likely to be positive and make the pup feel loved, approved of, and part of the group. We respond positively to the appeal, the cuteness and novelty of a new youngster around us. At that time we forget, or cannot imagine, the full grown adult displaying the same behaviour and us still enjoying it.

Giving attention or approval is a an extremely powerful reinforcer. Most dogs need to regularly check in with us when they are in our company to reaffirm their continued integration with the pack. Their lives revolve around this link with their peers.

When I am working on the computer Mabel soon discovered at about 8 months that a tap on the door triggered attention. “Good Girl, you want to go out”? Nah, she just wanted attention. She would go out, look back at me returning to the computer, and then tap the door again to come back in. It took me nearly 3 months to work out this strategy.

Instead of responding to her first tap, I would acknowledge it verbally, and then a couple of minutes later I suggested we went outside. Notice the “we” went outside, I would walk around for a couple of minutes, sharing the air giving her attention. Nowadays she can stand behind me, blow her lips gently and seek attention. If I want a 2 minute break I will turn around, focus 100% on her, scratch the necessary parts, and the give her a very clear, “that’ll do”. If I am too busy I will not turn around, but give her a clear “go to bed” and continue working. Her bladder will last at least 10 hours, day or night, and the continual let-the-dog-out-let-the-dog-in cycle has stopped. I also spontaneously give her attention when she is not expecting it. The type of attention she likes, not just a grooming or training session, but sitting on the stairs together discussing her Tuesday morning plans.

I have more than a handful of dogs, but not such a busy life that I cannot keep our connection with regular individual attention. Youngsters receive their attention with care and forethought, where I use this highly valuable reinforcer to shape mutually acceptable behaviours. The older dogs get more scheduled attention and I try to integrate one task for each dog to enjoy exclusive attention with me. Flink will come to do the chickens, Kent travels to the supermarket, Quick helps with the dustbins.

Dogs are naturally going to seek attention. If undesirable behaviours, such as continual barking, are the only way to get us away from the computer or TV, then the behaviour is going to repeat, and it is entirely due to our misplaced reinforcement. Look for prevention, set a timer every 20 minutes or every advert on the TV, to give attention: play, groom, massage, sit on the floor and have a chat. Remember to give a very clear ending, I use a verbal cue of “That’ll do” and until I initiate the next session will not allow the dog to demand attention.

Be very careful of part-time attention. This is where the dogs can begin to find reinforcement under their management. It is easy to continue to give most of our focus to the TV, computer or telephone and let the dog discovers that a spare hand can be employed in ear massage. Because we are not focusing on this reflex action the dog will find it easier and easier to trigger and we inadvertently teach “on demand” attention in our weaker moments. It does not take any youngster very long to find that we are more likely to give attention at certain times, particularly if we want to avoid embarrassment in front of visitors or in public. This often opens the door to seriously obnoxious behaviours in those circumstances.

At the one end of this seesaw we are developing a natural trait that encourages self confidence, and a strong relationship, and the other end carelessness develops an attention demanding member of the family. Become very aware of this powerful reinforcer and use it with consideration.